Why Everyone Hates The Dentist
by The-Alli-Cat
Summary: Stan makes Kenny go to the Dentist. Nitric Oxide makes people say strange things... Stenny, Keneric, and eventually Style. Finally done :D
1. High as a Kite

**Disclaimer: I don't own South Park. If I did, there'd be waaaay more... uh, never mind that.**

(*~*~*Kenny's POV*~*~*)

"Ken... Kenny, get up." A soft voice comes from my left.

The SUV lurches to a stop and Stan gently rocks me awake. In the front passenger seat, I yawn, open my eyes, and stretch my arms wide. "A-a-are we here?"

"Yeah, c'mon babe." He gets out of the driver's seat and opens my door for me. I've only been asleep for fifteen minutes, and I still need Stan's help to steady myself. See, kiddies, this is why you shouldn't be an alcoholic at age 16.

A moment of leaning against him stops the spinning in my head. I open my eyes and grab his hand. "I'm ready."

(*~x*~x*x~*x~*)

When I'm finally settled in my special dentist chair, I can't stop squirming.

You see, I've only been to the dentist once before.

My family could never afford medical insurance and all that jazz. When I started dating Stan earlier this year, I was reluctant to let him in on my helpless poor-boy situation.

But last month he made me go, and that Goddamned dentist found a ton of stuff that went wrong in my mouth. Now I've got to get it fixed. I. Fucking. Hate. This.

"Stan? It... it's not gonna hurt, is it?" I ask, eyes wide. My grip on his hand tightens.

"Nah, it's gonna be fine. I promise," Stan soothes me calmly.

"Right you are, Mr. Marsh," the dentist says as he walks into the room. "Now, Mr. McCormick, I'm going to give you some nitric oxide. That's gonna make you go to sleep, real nice. When you're asleep, I'm gonna fix your teeth. You've got a lot of nasty stuff up in that mouth of yours, so it's gonna take maybe an hour or two. Okay?"

"Uh... sure," I nod slowly, looking at Stan to my right, "Stan, will you stay with me?"

"The whole time, man," he grins encouragingly.

"Oh, and when you wake up, you may feel a little goofy. It'll go away quickly, but you might not remember some of it," the dentist smiles. "So are you ready now?"

With one quick glance at Stan, I nod. The dentist puts the mask over my face, and within seconds, I'm out cold. 

(*~*~*Stan's POV*~*~*)

I have to tell you, it was nasty. His whole mouth was covered with blood and who knows what else. I've seen him die plenty of times, so I'm used to blood guts and gore, but it was still pretty gross.

"Okie dokie," the dentist says as he finishes cleaning up Kenny's mouth. "I'm all done. He's gonna be acting real weird, so don't let him drive or operate heavy machinery."

Giving him a strange look, I say, "Uh huh. Well, I'm driving him home, and I guess then I'll take care of him until it wears off."

"Good, good. I'll leave you to him then." He leaves the room, and Kenny starts to wake up.

I notice this and smile at him. "Hey beautiful. How was it?"

Immediately, he gets this serious expression. "I... I need to tell you something. It's realllllly imporrrrrrtant."

"Sure, okay. Shoot."

"Commmmme... closerrrrrrr..."

Obliging, I scoot up to his face. Up close, he looks just like he does when he's high. "Damn, dude. You're really high."

"Yeeeeaaah," Kenny starts giggling. "But I need to do something." Uncoordinatedly, he pulls me toward him and our lips meet in a slightly chaotic kiss.

"Mmmmhhhmmm... That's better..." he sighs and leans back. "So, can I have a purple chalupa?"

Grinning, I laugh, "Sure. Whatever the hell that is."

(*~x*~x*x~*x~*)

When we get to my house, I help Kenny in the house and onto the couch. I lay him down and sit next to him.

"Owwww... it hurts..." Kenny whines, still half asleep. I think the anesthetic is starting to wear off.

Sighing, I reply, "I know, babe, just... try not to concentrate on it." I begin to stroke his shiny blonde hair as he relaxes against my side.

"Ohhhkaaay... Love ya, Eric..." he murmurs into my shoulder.

"Love y-" Wait, what? _Eric?_ As in _Cartman?_

**AN: So, should I leave it like this? Or make another chapter and whatnot? Please please please review!**


	2. Paranoid?

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own South Park or the characters involved. I do, however, own a chocolate cream-filled donut. :D**

"Ohhhkaaay... Love ya, Eric..." he murmurs into my shoulder.

"Love y-" Wait, what? _Eric?_ As in _Cartman?_

(*~x*~x*x~*x~*)

_Why would he say Cartman? Did he mean Stan? Was he just hopped up on that gas?_ All of these questions hit me full force at school the next day. I walk Kenny to his locker as usual, but we separate in first period because we have different teachers.

At my desk at the back of the room, I keep contemplating as I start shuffling through my stuff for my homework. I'm too wrapped up in my own thoughts to hear Kyle come in beside me until I hear him yelling at me.

"What?" I mumble distractedly.

The ginger, no, _daywalker_, beside me sits down and rolls his eyes, "I knew you weren't listening to me. I _said_, 'who got voted off American Idol last night?' But somebody has better things to do than pay attention to his Super Best Friend."

Still preoccupied, I murmur an apology.

Joking turns to concern when he says, "Dude, you seem really spaced out. What's on your mind?"

Am I really that obvious? Before I can think, I hear myself huff angrily, "Cartman! The fatass has done it again. Well, no, I don't have any real proof, but he _definitely_ has something to do with it."

"Do with what? You're starting to confuse me, dude. Start from the beginning," Kyle offers.

So I tell him about the other night. "And it's been bothering me this whole time!"

(*~*~*Kyle's POV*~*~*)

Wait, _what?_ Kenny loves Cartman? Yes! Yeah, baby! I thought Stan and Kenny would never break up! This is amazing! If I could, I'd probably break out in song. Oh, crap. Stan. I need to feel bad for Stan.

"Wow, dude, that's rough," I lie sympathetically, "But maybe it wasn't Cartman. He just said Eric, not a last name, right?"

Stan shakes his head, "I already thought of that. But there is literally no one named Eric in our whole town. He's not related to one either."

"Okay, well... maybe Cartman has no idea. I mean, Cartman's not even gay. Maybe it's all in Kenny's mind," I suggest. "Or maybe it was the gas?"

Sighing, Stan replies, "Maybe. Should I ask him about it? But what if he denies it?"

"You heard it with your own ears; he can't deny it. I say asking is the best way to get to the truth," _And the best way to get away from Kenny,_ I add silently. Now, it's not that I have anything against Kenny. It's just, when you've been in love with someone since the fourth grade, you can get a little jealous.

He sighs again, "Fine. I guess I'll ask him when we're walking home after school."

"Good. It's always good to talk about how you feel, Stan, m'kay?" I grin, imitating Mr. Mackey.

"Are you two retards done gossiping? I'm tryin' to teach a class, here!" Mr. Garrison shouts from the front of the room.

"Yes, Mr. Garrison," Stan choruses. I roll my eyes.

(*~*~*Kenny's POV*~*~*)

"Stop," I pant, pulling away from Eric's embrace. "I- I can't take it anymore." I close my eyes and take a small step back.

"But Kinneh..." he whines.

It's the end of seventh period, science for me, and we're hiding in a closet. Talk about cliché.

"No, Eric," I sigh. "I can't do this anymore. I have to tell Stan. The guilt... it's eating me alive, dude!"

"Remember, Kinneh. We've talked about this before. We can't go public, because I'm _not_ a fag," he crosses his arms and gives me a look.

Grinning, I wrap my arms around him and kiss him quickly on the cheek. "Yes you are. You're just in the closet." I laugh at my own bad joke.

"So you're gonna wait to tell Stan?" he whispers convincingly in my ear.

"I guess. But only 'cause it's you."

**AN: To everyone that reviewed- thanks soooo much! And because a whole 7 people asked for it, I posted another chapter. I even added a little bit of Keneric :) There's gonna be more drama soon, don't worry. So, if you review, I'll write.**


	3. Finding Out

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own South Park or the characters involved. Or a unicorn. But if you know of where I can get any of those, you know where to find me. 0.o**

(*~*~*Stan's POV*~*~*)

After school, Kenny and I walk to my house, as usual. We're in luck, because my parents aren't home. We're sitting on the couch in the basement watching TV. It's raining outside.

"Ken, I need to talk to you," I say, trying to sound serious.

"Okay, hang on. I... I'm gonna get us somethin' to drink, 'kay?" he starts to get up.

"Uh, okay," I nod casually.

"Be right back!" he shouts, already running up the steps.

(*~*~*Kenny's POV*~*~*)

Shit, shit, _SHIT!_ How did he do that? Does he seriously know? What's he gonna do to me? Even worse, what's _Eric_ gonna do to me? Being the totally rational being that I am, I probably just confirmed Stan's suspicions by running away. But what the hell am I supposed to do when he gets all serious like that?

"_I'm gonna die_," I mutter under my breath as I pull out my crappy little flip-phone. Speed dial #3, Eric T. Cartman.

"Wuddo you want?" a sleepy voice replies after three rings. Aw, he was sleeping. That's so cute. _Stop it, Kenny. Concentrate._

"I..." I take a gulp of breath, "I think Stan knows. About us. I didn't tell him, but when we got to his house, he started being really serious and said we need to talk, and then I ran upstairs and he thinks I'm getting drinks, but I'm really talking to you and FREAKING. OUT."

"Whoa, Kenneh. Chill out, dude. Did he say _what_ he wanted to talk about?" Eric's voice asks.

"Uh, well, no not exactly, but-" I stammer quickly before he cuts me off.

"Kenneh, you stupid black asshole! He doesn't show the slightest suspicion, and you start freaking out anyways. If you keep quiet, it'll be fine," he assures me in that incredibly convincing way of his. _If I don't hang up soon, I'll probably faint._

"Okay, but what if he actually does know? Do I deny it? Deny _us_? What do I do, Eric?" I ask.

His answer makes the happy feeling go away. "Definitely. We don't even know each other."

I giggle morbidly, "He knows I know you, retard."

"A'ight, whatever. Can I go back to bed now?"

"Only if I can come too," I whisper playfully.

"I'll have to take you up on that offer sometime," he chuckles. "But I gotta go. Love ya."

"Love you too," I smile dreamily. I quickly hang up and take the sodas downstairs.

I open the door to the basement and run smack into Stan, who was standing right there with an extremely hurt look on his face.

"So, I'm guessing you heard that," I say slowly.

"Heard what? You rip out my heart or carve it up with a chainsaw?" he hisses spitefully.

"Stan, I'm sorry. I-"

I'm cut off quickly by him saying, "No. Don't be. It's my fault for dating a whore."

_Ow._ I knew he was only saying this to make me mad, but it still hurt. "You... You know I'm not like that anymore."

"Really? You're not? Then you're telling me what I just heard wasn't real?" He keeps the accusing tone in his voice.

"I- no," I sigh. "But Stan-"

"Don't say anything. You think anything you tell me will make me forgive you? It won't. Just... just get out of here." When I hesitate, he shouts, "NOW!"

As I run home, I just hope the rain hides the tears in my eyes.

**AN: Jeez, posting this took forever. Friggin' website. Sorry it took so long, there was something wrong with the uploader thingy, cuz I was gonna post this yesterday.**

**Oh, and yes, Kenny is acting like a happy little schoolgirl when talking to Cartman... I couldn't resist 3**

**There's gonna be more Kyle in the next chapter, so keep reading and reviewing! Please. I'm off school until Thursday, so I have nothing in my life to look forward to. kthxbai!**


	4. All Together Now

**Disclaimer: I do NOT own South Park, or a cell phone that works. =(****  
><strong>

(*~*~*Kenny's POV*~*~*) 

As I leave Stan's place, I plan to go home, and maybe sit in my room, cry for a little, probably end up killing myself, then waking up the next morning like nothing had happened. But my feet have other ideas; after a minute of wandering somberly in the rain, I find myself where everything began- Eric's house. 

Sighing, I walk around the side to his window. I don't want to risk walking in on his mother... again. I'm in luck; he's just sitting on the floor, playing XBOX. 

I feel like I'm in a cliché romance movie as I tap lightly on the window, getting thoroughly soaked by the rain. 

At first, he just rolls his big brown eyes, apparently annoyed with my interruption of his game. After a few more moments of rigorous tapping, he finally looks up from the television. He lets me in quickly, obviously trying to make up for ignoring me. 

"Sorry, dude, thought you were the Jew... Hey are you crying?" He immediately notices the unusual wetness of my face. 

"I was... But I think this is rain," I raise a hand to check. Depressed, I flop down on his bed and start rambling, "That doesn't matter. Stan hates me now, I mean, I get why, but he wasn't s'posed to find out this way. I'm sorry, I just, fuck... Even though I don't feel that way about him anymore, I didn't wanna hurt him. And listen to this: I had this retarded idea that we could still be friends. God, I'm so stupid. I suck. I can totally understand if you just wanna kick me out of here and never talk to me again; I'm such a bad person. Don't you have a gun? Give me it; I can put myself out of my misery. Seriously, it's in your desk, right? I-" Immediately, I forget the rest of my sentence, as my lips are currently occupied. But I quickly pull away, and cry, "Dude! Not the time! That's pretty much what got us in this mess in the first place!"

"Calm, Kenneh, calm. Just calm down. I've got it covered," Eric's composed voice sort of calms me down for a moment. "And even if you did kill yourself, you'd wake up tomorrow and still have to deal with all of this. So, dude, just chill."

"How the hell can you be so calm about this?" I'm practically screaming by now. "You're Eric fucking Cartman! You're never calm!"

"I'm calm, my dearest Kenneth, because I am an evil mastermind. The Coon has already thought of a plan. You see, the key to all of this is our favorite Ginger-Jersey-Jew," he grins menacingly.

Confused, I inquire, "What the hell does Kyle have to do with anything?"

(*~*~*Kyle's POV*~*~*)

I'm sitting on my living room couch when I get a text from Cartman. It reads

_Coon to Dirty Jew-bag. I repeat, this is the Coon speaking. Our cover is blown. Mysterion is here, the Raven is flying solo. Over._

Laughing, I roll my eyes at his childish texting habits.

_kk. imma go c him. & y am I "dirty jew-bag?"_

His reply comes quickly.

_bcuz i h8 u. iz ther any othr reason?_

"Goddammit, fatass," I mutter angrily under my breath.

(*~x*~x*x~*x~*)

It takes me a little under three minutes to walk over to Stan's, and when I arrive, I find him laying in his bed, depressed. He's dressed in all black, what he wore when Wendy broke up with him and he went to join the Goth kids. His eyeliner is running as if he had been crying.

"Go away," he mutters in a dark voice.

"Stan, I'm not leaving you alone like this. You can't go Goth every time you get broken up with," I begin to lecture as I sit on the bed next to him.

"My name is Raven. And I don't need you to preach to me, Kyle. I'm allowed to do whatever I want." God, he sounds like a 9-year-old again.

"No, _Stan_. I'm not gonna let you do this to yourself. What do you think _I _feel like, seeing you so depressed? It's fucking miserable, that's what. You have no idea what it's like to see the person you're _in love with_ be so upset." In the midst of that small speech, I begin to cry.

"No, Kyle, _you _don't know- wait, what?" Realization dawns on him, showing on his face. _Finally_.

"That's right. Stan, I'm in love with you, and I have been since... well, forever. And I'm not gonna sit here on the sidelines anymore."

(*~x*~x*Stan's POV*x~*x~*)

Kyle? In love? With _me_? Wow... I slowly begin to ponder our relationship. I guess, in a way, I always knew I loved him. And in the next moment, when I wrap my arms around him and our lips meet, I feel right. _Everything_ feels right, _the world_ feels right.

"So? Are you Stan again?" Kyle asks after our lips part.

"I'll be whoever you want, as long as I'm with you," I grin happily, resuming kissing my best friend.

(*~x*~x*Kenny's POVx~*x~*)

Two days later, the four of us are at Stan's, having a man-over*. We're playing video games. Stan and Kyle share the couch, and Eric and I are sprawled out on the floor in front of the TV.

To be completely honest, I expected the past few days to be the most awkward days ever. But they turned out to be really relaxed. I don't know how to explain it, but I feel like we're how we're supposed to be, like everything's just fallen into place.

I look to my left, where Eric is concentrating ridiculously hard on blowing something up, and think to myself just how lucky I am that everything finally worked out in the end.

(*~x*~x*THE END*x~*x~*)

**AN: Whoa, right? I know! I bet you all are like, "Where the hell did she come from? Didn't she die?" Good news- I didn't die! Better news- I finally got to finish my first fanfiction ever! ^0^ I'm dancing with my stuffed Kenny right now, I'm so happy. So, yeah. Thanks everyone who reviewed before, and if you didn't, DO IT NOW BEFORE I FIND YOU AND EAT YOUR CAT. Seriously, tell me if the ending sucked or not, cuz I thought there may have been too much... oh idk. Whatever. Luv ya, baiiii! x3**

***Man-over: what me and my friends refer to as a sleepover for guys. Yeah, we're weird, but so are you. You're reading a South Park Fanfic, for peanut butter's sake!**


End file.
